I am currently enjoying a week-long spring break from my doctoral program. I thought it would be nice to summarize the signs and symptoms of life as a PhD student. Enjoy.
You know that you are a PhD student when:
1. You contemplate enlisting in the US Army (or in my case re-enlisting) because 4 hours of sleep in basic training beats the countless “all-nighters” you pull working on projects, mock comp exams, and discussion posts.
2. Speaking of discussion posts…why God? Why?
3. You feel guilty watching TV or reading non-academic work because you know that there is research to do.
4. However, you do not feel guilty binge watching Netflix because your ability to watch 4 seasons of a show in 3 days is nothing more than an application of your fine-tuned research skills.
5. You have a hate/hate relationship with Kate Turabian and the American Psychological Association. Seriously.
6. You read 30 journal articles a week and write almost 10,000 words a month. You have zero grace for people who say, “I don’t have time to read.”
7. You have contemplated slapping an undergrad for complaining about the stress of earning a bachelor’s degree while working a full-time job.
8. You understand that comedy = full-time undergrads complaining about their workloads.
9. You cannot comprehend “work hours” since you basically never stop working.
10. You have a mini-stroke when someone asks you, “So what are you going to do with your PhD?” You know deep inside the answer falls somewhere between “Be smarter than you” and “Take over the world.”
11. You find the “gaps” in every argument you read or hear.
12. You use words like “ontological”, “pericope”, and “hermeneutic phenomenology” in everyday conversation. Also, you are a little depressed at the fact that you actually understand Non-parametric Mann-Whitney U tests and multiple regression analysis.
13. You know that you cannot make it without the support and sense of humor of your family and cohort!